Life throws you a curve ball sometimes, or a constant stream of them, things which end up confusing you, presenting hard decisions, hard work, things to overcome, mental struggle. Lately I've been facing and still am facing these things. It's got me thinking about how I deal with these things and how I deal with situations.
One thing which needs to be said to make sense of this is I can be as much of a paradox as you can sometimes get, I'm opposites of things all at once, my personality while has it's stable traits does have aspects which cause my behaviour to flip very quickly. So while now I may talk about being positive and making the most of bad situations, I can guarentee that won't last for very long. I'll get to a point again where I am miserable and thinking about how bad things are.
But for now. Good things. Recently I've had illness thrown my way, a very hard an confusing decision to make, a lot of hard work required and a little confusion in that region too, basically a lot of energy consuming, difficult things going on.
My main worry is that I have a time of 9 weeks over the summer which needs to be filled. And the options are few and far between and none are very desirable, and those who I need to be positive and supportive, even though they are trying to help, aren't, so I have a problem with this decision.
I think I need to start really re-boosting positivity, everyone should, positivity is the only way to really push yourself forward, ensure you are doing things you really enjoy and is what makes you take that leap of faith which could be the difference between you getting what you want and not. It is hard to be positive, trust me I know, I've been there. But I've taken the things happen for a reason route in life, not for any religious reason as I'm athiest but just because I have always found that when something bad has happened something good happens later which can only happen because of the past events. So maybe in the end it's worth sticking it through the bad times cause a good time will always be round the corner.
An example, I was planning a mini-trip to Lille for mine and my boyfriends anniversary, I'd worked it all out, then remembered that my passport has expired and I'd have to spend a lot of money re-newing it, which I cannot afford on top of the holiday. I can see if parents can pay to do it but they already do enough, so trip basically cancelled. Which sucks as I was really looking forward to it, especially since he is planning on going for 2 months of the summer (hence the hard decision of what to do). But I'm certain there is a reason for it.
One thing I am dying to do is a meditation/buddhism centre where they run courses for 10 days, where you learn new things and you are surrounded by an amazing landscape, very peaceful and for me a way to clense my mind of a lot of the bad things and confusion floating around. The best part is you get accomodation and food for the whole duration for only £50 (as a donation) obviously flight costs but otherwise, cheap as anything. However many people are not keen on me doing this since I'm not that street smart and me going off to India on my own to them seems a recipe for disaster. Whihc may be true. But I think it would do me the world of good, and most centres in the UK, 1) aren't as good 2) don't have the landscape 3) not as cheap.
Anyway I think I may have rambled on enough but these are just some thoughts to chew on.
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