Christmas Day.
Not been the most eventful of days on the surface, opened presents and watched TV mostly, the evening was interesting, skyped the boyfriend where I encountered his entire family, and we played Mr and Mrs, and we won even though I wasn't physically there! Testament to our relationship I think! And have followed it up with a nice deep conversation via text.
Which got me thinking. As you get older you start to view 'family' differently, it starts to extend beyond your actual relatives to friends and in this case your other half and their family. I have a couple, or even one maybe, very very close friend/s who I can see as being a life long friend and if they weren't I'd be pretty upset. So in a sense they are considered 'family'. But once you get even older, which in this case I mean 30ish and if you have a long term partner, they are your family, even if you never have children or the like it's still your own personal family that you made.
To me thats the best, because its the family you choose yourself. And I believe I've already found it. Which makes me super happy because I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I'm just lucky to have found that person very young.
Tuesday, 25 December 2012
Saturday, 15 December 2012
The Blank Page.
A blank page.
A blank page is something special. While it never stays blank for long it’s something which has the most potential. You present yourself with a blank page and you can do anything with it. Fill it with any concoction of words that you choose.
It could be a poem about love, a short story about the distant land or simply a letter to a friend. It can be anything you want it to be. In this particular case it’s a philosophical rambling about a blank page.
A blank page can be daunting, starting from scratch but if you consider all the possible things you could place onto that page it would be long until you find inspiration.
So I’m paying homage to the blank page. The thing which assists creativity and promotes imagination. Because without a blank page, where would you begin?
A blank page is something special. While it never stays blank for long it’s something which has the most potential. You present yourself with a blank page and you can do anything with it. Fill it with any concoction of words that you choose.
It could be a poem about love, a short story about the distant land or simply a letter to a friend. It can be anything you want it to be. In this particular case it’s a philosophical rambling about a blank page.
A blank page can be daunting, starting from scratch but if you consider all the possible things you could place onto that page it would be long until you find inspiration.
So I’m paying homage to the blank page. The thing which assists creativity and promotes imagination. Because without a blank page, where would you begin?
Friday, 7 December 2012
My mind's been a bit scattered lately and I've been sitting for the best part of an hour trying to work it out.
As always at the minute it all comes down to relationships - you may think when you're single that being in a relationship would be the best thing - and while you would be right it still comes with its difficulties.
While me and my other half have been having a good time lately, bickering to a minimum and having a nice time things will always play on you're mind.
Some might say this is what I get for being so serious about the relationship, that I should just have fun and not think about the future, but I've always been someone who thinks about the future - a lot. You're futures become intwined with each others when you get that serious and you have to not only think about what you want to do but what the other person wants to do, and of course be willing to sacrafice, which I am.
I worry about the future. I am easily unsettled by not knowing what I'll be doing in a couple of years time - which I don't. I have my own plan but I don't have 'our' plan. Not that I'd rush him to make any decisions - it's my issue not his, I just have an overactive mind and unstable emotions.
I think another contributing factor is I've gotten really bad at being on my own - me and my boyfriend basically live together in the sense that we stay together every night other than when he is away on some weekends. The only difference between us now and living together is we don't shower in the same place or cook. And I've gotten very used to this - to minimal alone time and seeing someone almost every minute which I've come to like. I don't do so well if I'm left on my own for long. So when he does go away I find it very hard - I'm on my own for three days and two nights - I won't lie I do hope that he misses me enough to re-think the army but I try to not get my hopes up too much, and obviously he wouldn't base such a big decision on me, many other factors come into play.
Anyway I'm starting to ramble - here's a picture of me and my boyfriend - he'd probably kill me if he knew I'd written this!
As always at the minute it all comes down to relationships - you may think when you're single that being in a relationship would be the best thing - and while you would be right it still comes with its difficulties.
While me and my other half have been having a good time lately, bickering to a minimum and having a nice time things will always play on you're mind.
Some might say this is what I get for being so serious about the relationship, that I should just have fun and not think about the future, but I've always been someone who thinks about the future - a lot. You're futures become intwined with each others when you get that serious and you have to not only think about what you want to do but what the other person wants to do, and of course be willing to sacrafice, which I am.
I worry about the future. I am easily unsettled by not knowing what I'll be doing in a couple of years time - which I don't. I have my own plan but I don't have 'our' plan. Not that I'd rush him to make any decisions - it's my issue not his, I just have an overactive mind and unstable emotions.
I think another contributing factor is I've gotten really bad at being on my own - me and my boyfriend basically live together in the sense that we stay together every night other than when he is away on some weekends. The only difference between us now and living together is we don't shower in the same place or cook. And I've gotten very used to this - to minimal alone time and seeing someone almost every minute which I've come to like. I don't do so well if I'm left on my own for long. So when he does go away I find it very hard - I'm on my own for three days and two nights - I won't lie I do hope that he misses me enough to re-think the army but I try to not get my hopes up too much, and obviously he wouldn't base such a big decision on me, many other factors come into play.
Anyway I'm starting to ramble - here's a picture of me and my boyfriend - he'd probably kill me if he knew I'd written this!
Tuesday, 13 November 2012
What Happened? Life Happened
I've read through old posts and the only thing that springs to mind is, 'what the hell happened?'
I used to be a lot more...
That's where I stop. I don't know what quality it was I had then but whatever it was I feel like I should miss it. I could convey something so much more than myself. I've got to a stage in life where you become so busy and you loose sight of so many things. You lack the time to think about different concepts because you have essays to write, and campaign's to run and a life to lead.
The only thing thats of a higher quality in more recent posts is my grammer and even that's still lacking. I think a reason for this is because I don't spend much time on my own now. I don't take the time to sit and think and come up with thoughts and ideas which are beyond myself and have some higher sense of self.
I need to get out of myself and truely become something else. I don't know what yet but something.
But Ive been at University for over a year now, I'm a tired, old second year. My thoughts are very broken as I'm listening to Mumford and Sons, they are very distracting due to them being so good. I've been broken, bashed, re-moulded, changed, manipulated, used, abused, pulled, pushed...It's been intense. I know there are so many reasons why I've lost some of my younger innocence. Life happens.
You think when you're really young you'll start you're 'real' life when you're older but it starrts the day you're born. Every little insignificant event that happens impacts you. Everything. So why do people change? When someone asks what happened? life happened is the appropriate response. Becase it's true. We get caught up on little things which seem like mountains at the time, they're not and you realise years later that it didn't mean anything, or that it was infact a mountain, a big one which leaves a large shadow over you're life.
So what am I saying? Be careful what you let happen. Let life happen but make sure it's not something that will leave a giant ass shadow. And if that shadow in unavoidable, buy a s**t tonne of torches and point them at it. Force it out. You should choose what impacts you, remember you're allowed to stand there and say 'no, I won't let you ruin me, I won't let you make me feel bad, I'm going to forget you and that will be that. You're not invited back.'
That's all. Keep Smiling :)
I used to be a lot more...
That's where I stop. I don't know what quality it was I had then but whatever it was I feel like I should miss it. I could convey something so much more than myself. I've got to a stage in life where you become so busy and you loose sight of so many things. You lack the time to think about different concepts because you have essays to write, and campaign's to run and a life to lead.
The only thing thats of a higher quality in more recent posts is my grammer and even that's still lacking. I think a reason for this is because I don't spend much time on my own now. I don't take the time to sit and think and come up with thoughts and ideas which are beyond myself and have some higher sense of self.
I need to get out of myself and truely become something else. I don't know what yet but something.
But Ive been at University for over a year now, I'm a tired, old second year. My thoughts are very broken as I'm listening to Mumford and Sons, they are very distracting due to them being so good. I've been broken, bashed, re-moulded, changed, manipulated, used, abused, pulled, pushed...It's been intense. I know there are so many reasons why I've lost some of my younger innocence. Life happens.
You think when you're really young you'll start you're 'real' life when you're older but it starrts the day you're born. Every little insignificant event that happens impacts you. Everything. So why do people change? When someone asks what happened? life happened is the appropriate response. Becase it's true. We get caught up on little things which seem like mountains at the time, they're not and you realise years later that it didn't mean anything, or that it was infact a mountain, a big one which leaves a large shadow over you're life.
So what am I saying? Be careful what you let happen. Let life happen but make sure it's not something that will leave a giant ass shadow. And if that shadow in unavoidable, buy a s**t tonne of torches and point them at it. Force it out. You should choose what impacts you, remember you're allowed to stand there and say 'no, I won't let you ruin me, I won't let you make me feel bad, I'm going to forget you and that will be that. You're not invited back.'
That's all. Keep Smiling :)
Long Time No See
Gosh it's been a long time blogger! I'm very sorry for neglecting you.
But I felt like writing a more serious thoughtful blog post which isn't something for Tumblr, I feel I've cheated on you a bit!
But I've been incredibly thoughtful lately, I've been thinking about being afraid to do something.
There are many events or opporunities, activities, aspirations in life which can be scary, whether it be because you think you'll fail at doing it, it won't work out well...Being scared to do something you want to do holds so many people back. Self doubt in your ability to do something, even if you don't up doing it well is something which hinders people from reaching their full potential.
For example if you enjoyed writing, as I do, but don't like getting too into any project because you're afraid it will suck you're stopping yourself from doing something which could be great. And sucking isn't such a bad thing anyway, even if it does suck at least you did it, you enjoyed doing it so there's nothing lost.
On a larger scale you may be afraid to move on from old friends, move to a new location for a job, start a fresh in life, go for a promotion, so many things in life require taking a little risk and betting on yourself, that you're capable of achiveing something and coping with it. Life is always going to throw curve balls at you and when you know something will be a positive in your life you have to do it. You'll gain and loose a lot in life and it's the beauty of the fact we get to choose what falls into those catagories that makes our lives ours. If you let fear hold you back you're not going to be doing yourself any favours.
I often get scared to do things which I know I want to do, whether it be because I don't feel I have the time, don't think I'll be any good at it, think it will be too difficult. The fact of the matter is if you don't take these risks and face those fears you will get stuck in a rut and live the same old boring life you always have, and its very likely you'll be unhappy while doing so.
So thats just a bit of what I've been thinking lately. I am going to post more on here I think. I have a lot to say.:)
Keep Smiling.
But I felt like writing a more serious thoughtful blog post which isn't something for Tumblr, I feel I've cheated on you a bit!
But I've been incredibly thoughtful lately, I've been thinking about being afraid to do something.
There are many events or opporunities, activities, aspirations in life which can be scary, whether it be because you think you'll fail at doing it, it won't work out well...Being scared to do something you want to do holds so many people back. Self doubt in your ability to do something, even if you don't up doing it well is something which hinders people from reaching their full potential.
For example if you enjoyed writing, as I do, but don't like getting too into any project because you're afraid it will suck you're stopping yourself from doing something which could be great. And sucking isn't such a bad thing anyway, even if it does suck at least you did it, you enjoyed doing it so there's nothing lost.
On a larger scale you may be afraid to move on from old friends, move to a new location for a job, start a fresh in life, go for a promotion, so many things in life require taking a little risk and betting on yourself, that you're capable of achiveing something and coping with it. Life is always going to throw curve balls at you and when you know something will be a positive in your life you have to do it. You'll gain and loose a lot in life and it's the beauty of the fact we get to choose what falls into those catagories that makes our lives ours. If you let fear hold you back you're not going to be doing yourself any favours.
I often get scared to do things which I know I want to do, whether it be because I don't feel I have the time, don't think I'll be any good at it, think it will be too difficult. The fact of the matter is if you don't take these risks and face those fears you will get stuck in a rut and live the same old boring life you always have, and its very likely you'll be unhappy while doing so.
So thats just a bit of what I've been thinking lately. I am going to post more on here I think. I have a lot to say.:)
Keep Smiling.
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