I'm feeling very happy today.
I FINALLY finished my report so I now have a few days where I can do no Uni work and feel OK about it, however I am at work Thursday and Friday so I'm going to make the most of the few days (minus lectures). Me and Matt are going swimming on Wednesday!
But basically, my head had been a mess, I'd had a lot of negative clutter and goings on in my life which were really bumming me out to say the least, then I had my report hanging over my head like a limp fish so I didn't really have much movement room up in my nogin' for much else.
Luckily today my head has got a bit of its zeal back, I'm in a MUCH better place now, I have watched a few vlogs, about projects! Something I know all too well about, my main pit fall with projects is I am not the best at finding time for them or completing them! Although in most cases it's not just finding time for my own projects it's just finding time to keep my mind in this nice state, watching TED videos does that well as they provoke thought from me and just get the brain being used!
I need to allow myself time for creative and expansive thought, even if it is just sitting for 20 minutes to watch a video. Also I've applied for lots of volunteer work around my area today, mostly evening work as I have lectures and my paid job as well. But as I'm staying in my Uni city over the summer on my own pretty much I thought I need lots to do other than work! So lots of volunteering will be a good way to do this I believe!
I'm also doing more exercise now, swimming with my boyfriend and with work, then me and my housemate are starting to do lots of Just Dance as its pretty damn fun and exercise all in one! Plus it's about a 20 minute walk to the pool so theres that too. Obviously it's all the little things which add up!
I just need to keep in this mindset for well ever really! Get myself right and happy all the time! I am so prone to stress it's unreal so if I can keep it at bay as much as possible it would be desirable!!
Basically:
- exercise, swimming, dancing, walking
- volunteering
- work hard!
- creative time
- projects!!
:)
Monday, 25 February 2013
Thursday, 10 January 2013
Decisions & Positivity
Life throws you a curve ball sometimes, or a constant stream of them, things which end up confusing you, presenting hard decisions, hard work, things to overcome, mental struggle. Lately I've been facing and still am facing these things. It's got me thinking about how I deal with these things and how I deal with situations.
One thing which needs to be said to make sense of this is I can be as much of a paradox as you can sometimes get, I'm opposites of things all at once, my personality while has it's stable traits does have aspects which cause my behaviour to flip very quickly. So while now I may talk about being positive and making the most of bad situations, I can guarentee that won't last for very long. I'll get to a point again where I am miserable and thinking about how bad things are.
But for now. Good things. Recently I've had illness thrown my way, a very hard an confusing decision to make, a lot of hard work required and a little confusion in that region too, basically a lot of energy consuming, difficult things going on.
My main worry is that I have a time of 9 weeks over the summer which needs to be filled. And the options are few and far between and none are very desirable, and those who I need to be positive and supportive, even though they are trying to help, aren't, so I have a problem with this decision.
I think I need to start really re-boosting positivity, everyone should, positivity is the only way to really push yourself forward, ensure you are doing things you really enjoy and is what makes you take that leap of faith which could be the difference between you getting what you want and not. It is hard to be positive, trust me I know, I've been there. But I've taken the things happen for a reason route in life, not for any religious reason as I'm athiest but just because I have always found that when something bad has happened something good happens later which can only happen because of the past events. So maybe in the end it's worth sticking it through the bad times cause a good time will always be round the corner.
An example, I was planning a mini-trip to Lille for mine and my boyfriends anniversary, I'd worked it all out, then remembered that my passport has expired and I'd have to spend a lot of money re-newing it, which I cannot afford on top of the holiday. I can see if parents can pay to do it but they already do enough, so trip basically cancelled. Which sucks as I was really looking forward to it, especially since he is planning on going for 2 months of the summer (hence the hard decision of what to do). But I'm certain there is a reason for it.
One thing I am dying to do is a meditation/buddhism centre where they run courses for 10 days, where you learn new things and you are surrounded by an amazing landscape, very peaceful and for me a way to clense my mind of a lot of the bad things and confusion floating around. The best part is you get accomodation and food for the whole duration for only £50 (as a donation) obviously flight costs but otherwise, cheap as anything. However many people are not keen on me doing this since I'm not that street smart and me going off to India on my own to them seems a recipe for disaster. Whihc may be true. But I think it would do me the world of good, and most centres in the UK, 1) aren't as good 2) don't have the landscape 3) not as cheap.
Anyway I think I may have rambled on enough but these are just some thoughts to chew on.
One thing which needs to be said to make sense of this is I can be as much of a paradox as you can sometimes get, I'm opposites of things all at once, my personality while has it's stable traits does have aspects which cause my behaviour to flip very quickly. So while now I may talk about being positive and making the most of bad situations, I can guarentee that won't last for very long. I'll get to a point again where I am miserable and thinking about how bad things are.
But for now. Good things. Recently I've had illness thrown my way, a very hard an confusing decision to make, a lot of hard work required and a little confusion in that region too, basically a lot of energy consuming, difficult things going on.
My main worry is that I have a time of 9 weeks over the summer which needs to be filled. And the options are few and far between and none are very desirable, and those who I need to be positive and supportive, even though they are trying to help, aren't, so I have a problem with this decision.
I think I need to start really re-boosting positivity, everyone should, positivity is the only way to really push yourself forward, ensure you are doing things you really enjoy and is what makes you take that leap of faith which could be the difference between you getting what you want and not. It is hard to be positive, trust me I know, I've been there. But I've taken the things happen for a reason route in life, not for any religious reason as I'm athiest but just because I have always found that when something bad has happened something good happens later which can only happen because of the past events. So maybe in the end it's worth sticking it through the bad times cause a good time will always be round the corner.
An example, I was planning a mini-trip to Lille for mine and my boyfriends anniversary, I'd worked it all out, then remembered that my passport has expired and I'd have to spend a lot of money re-newing it, which I cannot afford on top of the holiday. I can see if parents can pay to do it but they already do enough, so trip basically cancelled. Which sucks as I was really looking forward to it, especially since he is planning on going for 2 months of the summer (hence the hard decision of what to do). But I'm certain there is a reason for it.
One thing I am dying to do is a meditation/buddhism centre where they run courses for 10 days, where you learn new things and you are surrounded by an amazing landscape, very peaceful and for me a way to clense my mind of a lot of the bad things and confusion floating around. The best part is you get accomodation and food for the whole duration for only £50 (as a donation) obviously flight costs but otherwise, cheap as anything. However many people are not keen on me doing this since I'm not that street smart and me going off to India on my own to them seems a recipe for disaster. Whihc may be true. But I think it would do me the world of good, and most centres in the UK, 1) aren't as good 2) don't have the landscape 3) not as cheap.
Anyway I think I may have rambled on enough but these are just some thoughts to chew on.
Tuesday, 25 December 2012
Christmas Day.
Not been the most eventful of days on the surface, opened presents and watched TV mostly, the evening was interesting, skyped the boyfriend where I encountered his entire family, and we played Mr and Mrs, and we won even though I wasn't physically there! Testament to our relationship I think! And have followed it up with a nice deep conversation via text.
Which got me thinking. As you get older you start to view 'family' differently, it starts to extend beyond your actual relatives to friends and in this case your other half and their family. I have a couple, or even one maybe, very very close friend/s who I can see as being a life long friend and if they weren't I'd be pretty upset. So in a sense they are considered 'family'. But once you get even older, which in this case I mean 30ish and if you have a long term partner, they are your family, even if you never have children or the like it's still your own personal family that you made.
To me thats the best, because its the family you choose yourself. And I believe I've already found it. Which makes me super happy because I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I'm just lucky to have found that person very young.
Not been the most eventful of days on the surface, opened presents and watched TV mostly, the evening was interesting, skyped the boyfriend where I encountered his entire family, and we played Mr and Mrs, and we won even though I wasn't physically there! Testament to our relationship I think! And have followed it up with a nice deep conversation via text.
Which got me thinking. As you get older you start to view 'family' differently, it starts to extend beyond your actual relatives to friends and in this case your other half and their family. I have a couple, or even one maybe, very very close friend/s who I can see as being a life long friend and if they weren't I'd be pretty upset. So in a sense they are considered 'family'. But once you get even older, which in this case I mean 30ish and if you have a long term partner, they are your family, even if you never have children or the like it's still your own personal family that you made.
To me thats the best, because its the family you choose yourself. And I believe I've already found it. Which makes me super happy because I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I'm just lucky to have found that person very young.
Saturday, 15 December 2012
The Blank Page.
A blank page.
A blank page is something special. While it never stays blank for long it’s something which has the most potential. You present yourself with a blank page and you can do anything with it. Fill it with any concoction of words that you choose.
It could be a poem about love, a short story about the distant land or simply a letter to a friend. It can be anything you want it to be. In this particular case it’s a philosophical rambling about a blank page.
A blank page can be daunting, starting from scratch but if you consider all the possible things you could place onto that page it would be long until you find inspiration.
So I’m paying homage to the blank page. The thing which assists creativity and promotes imagination. Because without a blank page, where would you begin?
A blank page is something special. While it never stays blank for long it’s something which has the most potential. You present yourself with a blank page and you can do anything with it. Fill it with any concoction of words that you choose.
It could be a poem about love, a short story about the distant land or simply a letter to a friend. It can be anything you want it to be. In this particular case it’s a philosophical rambling about a blank page.
A blank page can be daunting, starting from scratch but if you consider all the possible things you could place onto that page it would be long until you find inspiration.
So I’m paying homage to the blank page. The thing which assists creativity and promotes imagination. Because without a blank page, where would you begin?
Friday, 7 December 2012
My mind's been a bit scattered lately and I've been sitting for the best part of an hour trying to work it out.
As always at the minute it all comes down to relationships - you may think when you're single that being in a relationship would be the best thing - and while you would be right it still comes with its difficulties.
While me and my other half have been having a good time lately, bickering to a minimum and having a nice time things will always play on you're mind.
Some might say this is what I get for being so serious about the relationship, that I should just have fun and not think about the future, but I've always been someone who thinks about the future - a lot. You're futures become intwined with each others when you get that serious and you have to not only think about what you want to do but what the other person wants to do, and of course be willing to sacrafice, which I am.
I worry about the future. I am easily unsettled by not knowing what I'll be doing in a couple of years time - which I don't. I have my own plan but I don't have 'our' plan. Not that I'd rush him to make any decisions - it's my issue not his, I just have an overactive mind and unstable emotions.
I think another contributing factor is I've gotten really bad at being on my own - me and my boyfriend basically live together in the sense that we stay together every night other than when he is away on some weekends. The only difference between us now and living together is we don't shower in the same place or cook. And I've gotten very used to this - to minimal alone time and seeing someone almost every minute which I've come to like. I don't do so well if I'm left on my own for long. So when he does go away I find it very hard - I'm on my own for three days and two nights - I won't lie I do hope that he misses me enough to re-think the army but I try to not get my hopes up too much, and obviously he wouldn't base such a big decision on me, many other factors come into play.
Anyway I'm starting to ramble - here's a picture of me and my boyfriend - he'd probably kill me if he knew I'd written this!
As always at the minute it all comes down to relationships - you may think when you're single that being in a relationship would be the best thing - and while you would be right it still comes with its difficulties.
While me and my other half have been having a good time lately, bickering to a minimum and having a nice time things will always play on you're mind.
Some might say this is what I get for being so serious about the relationship, that I should just have fun and not think about the future, but I've always been someone who thinks about the future - a lot. You're futures become intwined with each others when you get that serious and you have to not only think about what you want to do but what the other person wants to do, and of course be willing to sacrafice, which I am.
I worry about the future. I am easily unsettled by not knowing what I'll be doing in a couple of years time - which I don't. I have my own plan but I don't have 'our' plan. Not that I'd rush him to make any decisions - it's my issue not his, I just have an overactive mind and unstable emotions.
I think another contributing factor is I've gotten really bad at being on my own - me and my boyfriend basically live together in the sense that we stay together every night other than when he is away on some weekends. The only difference between us now and living together is we don't shower in the same place or cook. And I've gotten very used to this - to minimal alone time and seeing someone almost every minute which I've come to like. I don't do so well if I'm left on my own for long. So when he does go away I find it very hard - I'm on my own for three days and two nights - I won't lie I do hope that he misses me enough to re-think the army but I try to not get my hopes up too much, and obviously he wouldn't base such a big decision on me, many other factors come into play.
Anyway I'm starting to ramble - here's a picture of me and my boyfriend - he'd probably kill me if he knew I'd written this!
Tuesday, 13 November 2012
What Happened? Life Happened
I've read through old posts and the only thing that springs to mind is, 'what the hell happened?'
I used to be a lot more...
That's where I stop. I don't know what quality it was I had then but whatever it was I feel like I should miss it. I could convey something so much more than myself. I've got to a stage in life where you become so busy and you loose sight of so many things. You lack the time to think about different concepts because you have essays to write, and campaign's to run and a life to lead.
The only thing thats of a higher quality in more recent posts is my grammer and even that's still lacking. I think a reason for this is because I don't spend much time on my own now. I don't take the time to sit and think and come up with thoughts and ideas which are beyond myself and have some higher sense of self.
I need to get out of myself and truely become something else. I don't know what yet but something.
But Ive been at University for over a year now, I'm a tired, old second year. My thoughts are very broken as I'm listening to Mumford and Sons, they are very distracting due to them being so good. I've been broken, bashed, re-moulded, changed, manipulated, used, abused, pulled, pushed...It's been intense. I know there are so many reasons why I've lost some of my younger innocence. Life happens.
You think when you're really young you'll start you're 'real' life when you're older but it starrts the day you're born. Every little insignificant event that happens impacts you. Everything. So why do people change? When someone asks what happened? life happened is the appropriate response. Becase it's true. We get caught up on little things which seem like mountains at the time, they're not and you realise years later that it didn't mean anything, or that it was infact a mountain, a big one which leaves a large shadow over you're life.
So what am I saying? Be careful what you let happen. Let life happen but make sure it's not something that will leave a giant ass shadow. And if that shadow in unavoidable, buy a s**t tonne of torches and point them at it. Force it out. You should choose what impacts you, remember you're allowed to stand there and say 'no, I won't let you ruin me, I won't let you make me feel bad, I'm going to forget you and that will be that. You're not invited back.'
That's all. Keep Smiling :)
I used to be a lot more...
That's where I stop. I don't know what quality it was I had then but whatever it was I feel like I should miss it. I could convey something so much more than myself. I've got to a stage in life where you become so busy and you loose sight of so many things. You lack the time to think about different concepts because you have essays to write, and campaign's to run and a life to lead.
The only thing thats of a higher quality in more recent posts is my grammer and even that's still lacking. I think a reason for this is because I don't spend much time on my own now. I don't take the time to sit and think and come up with thoughts and ideas which are beyond myself and have some higher sense of self.
I need to get out of myself and truely become something else. I don't know what yet but something.
But Ive been at University for over a year now, I'm a tired, old second year. My thoughts are very broken as I'm listening to Mumford and Sons, they are very distracting due to them being so good. I've been broken, bashed, re-moulded, changed, manipulated, used, abused, pulled, pushed...It's been intense. I know there are so many reasons why I've lost some of my younger innocence. Life happens.
You think when you're really young you'll start you're 'real' life when you're older but it starrts the day you're born. Every little insignificant event that happens impacts you. Everything. So why do people change? When someone asks what happened? life happened is the appropriate response. Becase it's true. We get caught up on little things which seem like mountains at the time, they're not and you realise years later that it didn't mean anything, or that it was infact a mountain, a big one which leaves a large shadow over you're life.
So what am I saying? Be careful what you let happen. Let life happen but make sure it's not something that will leave a giant ass shadow. And if that shadow in unavoidable, buy a s**t tonne of torches and point them at it. Force it out. You should choose what impacts you, remember you're allowed to stand there and say 'no, I won't let you ruin me, I won't let you make me feel bad, I'm going to forget you and that will be that. You're not invited back.'
That's all. Keep Smiling :)
Long Time No See
Gosh it's been a long time blogger! I'm very sorry for neglecting you.
But I felt like writing a more serious thoughtful blog post which isn't something for Tumblr, I feel I've cheated on you a bit!
But I've been incredibly thoughtful lately, I've been thinking about being afraid to do something.
There are many events or opporunities, activities, aspirations in life which can be scary, whether it be because you think you'll fail at doing it, it won't work out well...Being scared to do something you want to do holds so many people back. Self doubt in your ability to do something, even if you don't up doing it well is something which hinders people from reaching their full potential.
For example if you enjoyed writing, as I do, but don't like getting too into any project because you're afraid it will suck you're stopping yourself from doing something which could be great. And sucking isn't such a bad thing anyway, even if it does suck at least you did it, you enjoyed doing it so there's nothing lost.
On a larger scale you may be afraid to move on from old friends, move to a new location for a job, start a fresh in life, go for a promotion, so many things in life require taking a little risk and betting on yourself, that you're capable of achiveing something and coping with it. Life is always going to throw curve balls at you and when you know something will be a positive in your life you have to do it. You'll gain and loose a lot in life and it's the beauty of the fact we get to choose what falls into those catagories that makes our lives ours. If you let fear hold you back you're not going to be doing yourself any favours.
I often get scared to do things which I know I want to do, whether it be because I don't feel I have the time, don't think I'll be any good at it, think it will be too difficult. The fact of the matter is if you don't take these risks and face those fears you will get stuck in a rut and live the same old boring life you always have, and its very likely you'll be unhappy while doing so.
So thats just a bit of what I've been thinking lately. I am going to post more on here I think. I have a lot to say.:)
Keep Smiling.
But I felt like writing a more serious thoughtful blog post which isn't something for Tumblr, I feel I've cheated on you a bit!
But I've been incredibly thoughtful lately, I've been thinking about being afraid to do something.
There are many events or opporunities, activities, aspirations in life which can be scary, whether it be because you think you'll fail at doing it, it won't work out well...Being scared to do something you want to do holds so many people back. Self doubt in your ability to do something, even if you don't up doing it well is something which hinders people from reaching their full potential.
For example if you enjoyed writing, as I do, but don't like getting too into any project because you're afraid it will suck you're stopping yourself from doing something which could be great. And sucking isn't such a bad thing anyway, even if it does suck at least you did it, you enjoyed doing it so there's nothing lost.
On a larger scale you may be afraid to move on from old friends, move to a new location for a job, start a fresh in life, go for a promotion, so many things in life require taking a little risk and betting on yourself, that you're capable of achiveing something and coping with it. Life is always going to throw curve balls at you and when you know something will be a positive in your life you have to do it. You'll gain and loose a lot in life and it's the beauty of the fact we get to choose what falls into those catagories that makes our lives ours. If you let fear hold you back you're not going to be doing yourself any favours.
I often get scared to do things which I know I want to do, whether it be because I don't feel I have the time, don't think I'll be any good at it, think it will be too difficult. The fact of the matter is if you don't take these risks and face those fears you will get stuck in a rut and live the same old boring life you always have, and its very likely you'll be unhappy while doing so.
So thats just a bit of what I've been thinking lately. I am going to post more on here I think. I have a lot to say.:)
Keep Smiling.
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