Reflections

You know the song 'Get It Right' from Glee? Well that is how I feel. Not all the time but sometimes I just like that song on repeat. That basically I'm always trying really hard to make people happy and I'll do pretty much anything to please people (within reason of course, I wouldnt compromise who I am for it) but it's not obvious. I like to organise things so they are fun for people even if it means shelling out a lot of cash myself, just as long as they are having a good time. I suppose it makes me a good host but sometimes it does lead to a stress attack. I find it hard to dislike people and I will always trust people, some argue I am niaeve but I don't see an issue with it. It's just seems to me that sometimes kindness is over looked as a trait in people, generally those who are funny or confident are the people who are identified with as the good friends or the most memorable. It does make you worry that your not the person someone would choose to invite somewhere and people could take you or leave you. I am aware most of this most likely isn't the case and it's in my head but thats how it seems sometimes.

Im still very proud with how far I've come in the last couple of years, at the start of year 12 I had no friends, I mean I did in year 11 I'd had the same ones for years but I had originally gone to college and then ended up at 6th form a week late and people viewed me as weird because of various reasons. (So sue me for being weird!) And after a while I found my footing again and started talking more to people at lunchtimes since they were always horrible, I talked to people in lessons anyway but lunch was just ahhh! Now I look back on it, it was a good thing, it made me a much nicer person and more sympathetic and I would say thats positive. Ive grown over those 2 years and now I'm very confident and very happy with the person I am, but sometimes it is knocked and I'm left feeling a little bit like I did back then. But either way you can't deny that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Its just nicer when people acknowledge what you try and do.